One Word

•December 1, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word.

I hate questions like these. They’re just about as bad as when people ask me what my favorite book is–I was an English major. Never ask an English major to name their favorite book.

Earlier today, I was thinking about choosing the word “success” because I was feeling particularly proud and shiny about the road I’ve traveled this year and how far I’ve come.

But now I’m going to pick the word “almost.”

I’m almost successful.

I’m almost happy.

I’ve almost fallen in love. Several times.

I’m almost settled in to my new city. After two years.

I know I’m supposed to dwell on the positive. But I can’t help but feel some lingering lacunae, some spaces still residing inside me that I would like to fill. I would like to fill them with exactly the the things they are meant to be filled with. No substitutes or sublimation.

A part of me feels guilty for setting my standards for satisfaction so high. The country is mired in a terrible recession–my brilliant brother was out of work for over a year–and I know I should be happy to have the job that I have, one that I don’t dread on Sunday nights.

But I wonder if all of us doing #reverb10 aren’t wanting just a little bit more, thinking of the next thing, pushing forward to a plane of higher quality… after all, the best of human endeavors are borne of dissatisfaction.